Seems legit! – How I nearly inherited $14m.

Do you ever look in your “other” folder? The one in Facebook where the messages from people you don’t know are swept? You never know what has been put there.

I found out I had inherited $14m. The message is below, followed by our extensive conversations. Will I get my money? Read on and find out…

My Dear Norris,

I am Barrister.Jacob Agbeme,I have an important MSG for you about late Mr.F..N. Norris,about some deposit claim of USD$14million he left behind here in this country.

Mail me with your telephone number and private email so i can give you full Details.Please for your full understanding concerning this transaction i want you to contact me in my private email address:jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co..ukso that i will give you the full details and more clarification or you give me your private email address so that i can send you a mail.Call me now in my private cell phone +22890903754 or you give me your number so that i will call you OK.

Your Full Name…..
Your Telephone Number….
Your Private Email…….

Please contact me on my private email address is:jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk 
for more details and clarification or you give me your private email address so 
that i can send you a mail OK.

It’s very important i hear from you soonest.

Thanks and God bless you.

Best Regards.
Barr.Jacob Agbeme.Esq
Private Number:+22890903754
Private email:jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk


On Monday, 11 August 2014, 8:59, Paul Norris <paulnXXXXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

Dear Barrister Agbeme,

Thank you for your Facebook message. I am sorry for the delay in replying. Your message was promptly deposited into my ‘other’ folder.

If the late Mr. F. N. Norris was my dear Uncle Felix then I am very saddened to hear of his passing. I never met him personally but his story is oft told in our family of how he travelled to Ghana with just his pith helmet and lustrous moustache to seek his fortune. As a distinguished tailor, he intended to bring the cravat to a global market.

I assume from your email that he succeeded in his quest. USD$14million!

We are already a very wealthy family, but we are currently raising money to repair the orangery and have the East wing of our castle remodelled by Lawrence LLwelyn Bowen and Carol Smiley. Melinda Messenger managed to secure a portcullis from a local ironmonger for free but we still have a long way to go. Any extra funds would be a huge help to our family.

Please let me know how we proceed with this and release my late Uncle’s money.

Mr. Paul Crimpoline Norris


Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 12:53:41 +0100
From: jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.
To: paulnXXXXXX@outlook.com

Dear Paul Crimpoline Norris,
 
I am happy to receive your quick reply mail,Once again i am introducing my self to you as Barrister.Jacob Agbeme a senior advocate of (Jacob Family Law Firm) Address:No.125 Limousine Lome-Togo, West Africa.My direct phone number is +22890903754,Fax:+2282260308.I only contacted you to co-operate and assist me in this transaction,So that we can make the bank to release and transfer this fund into your account and i want the confidentiality and secrecy of this business to be intent between you and me.
 
A next of kin to someone can come from anywhere and it can be brother, cousin relative, sister, relation, even your friend can easily be your next of kin as long as he or she have the proves that makes he or she the next of kin.So in this matter, I will present you to the bank with the evidence back up information of this claim as a cousin to my late client (Mr.Frank.Nero.Norris) because your last name was in his last will of testament to this sum of $14.Million.
 
On the conclusion of this inheritance claim, I will be coming to your country for sharing and investing my own portion.I will be entitled to receive 45% of the total amount as my share, and while you will receive 45% as your own share,then 10% will map out for expenses which might occur during the claim of the fund,since this fund has lasted in the bank dormant account for years now.

The bank are planning to confiscate this fund and push this fund into governmental reserve account or share it within the bank management as unclaimed bill.And we must stop the bank from confiscating this fund.So, I want you to give me the following information to register your text application draft to the bank for the release and transfer of this fund into your account.
 
Applicant information
 
First Name: _______________________
Last name: ________________________
Address (Home): ___________________
Address (Office): _________________
Occupation: _______________________
Date of Birth: ____________________
Place of Birth: ___________________
City: _____________________________
Nationality: ______________________
Office (Tel): _____________________
Mobile (Tel): _____________________

Open attachment to view my family photos,Awaiting to hear from you soonest.

 me&wife me&family

Best Regards.
Barr.Jacob Agbeme.Esq
Private Number:+22890903754


On Thursday, 14 August 2014, 14:12, Paul Norris <paulnXXXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

Dear Barr.Jacob Agbeme.Esq

Thank you so much for bringing this to my attention. I know I said it was my Uncle Felix but that was just our affectionate name for him. As you know, his real name was Frank Nero Norris.

I certainly don’t want the bank to confiscate the fund for government reserve or, even worse, to share among the bank managers. We desperately need this money so we can continue our eccentric life of extravagant excess. Only this morning I kicked a swan’s head off. Those things aren’t cheap! Elizabeth is going to be extremely annoyed. It’s becoming a bit of a habit for me.

I also like to create realistic models of boy bands using foie gras and quails’ eggs. Gary Barlow is a big old boy and it’s already turning into a rather sizable expense.

When you come to visit and share the money, would you be available to join us in our annual family celebrations? Jessica still has a frightfully gammy leg and it’s unlikely she’ll be fit to be ceremonially fired from the canon this year. We need a volunteer. After the mishap last year, they say she’ll never be able to walk properly ever again. Still, it gave the rest of us a bally good chortle as she rag-dolled down the battlements and into the moat. It’s unlikely any of the rest of the family will step forward for the honour this year though.

Thank you so much for the pictures of your family. I hadn’t considered the possibility of foul play or dishonesty until then. The pictures certainly put my mind at ease and prove your validity beyond a shadow of a doubt. I mean, where would someone get pictures from unless they were an honest family man? In fact, I’d like to share with you some pictures of my family.

 chateua
On holiday in France at La Chateu Gullible

 moreholiday
More holiday! Look at the funny servant with the stick!

toffballteamMe with my Toffball team. This is the day we found out that Cyril was porking Monty’s wife! Sly old bastard.

Here’s my info:

Applicant information

First Name:Pauldric Crimpoline

Last name: Norris

Address (Home): Brocket Hall, Welwyn, Hertfordshire, AL8 7XG, United Kingdom

Address (Office):As above

Occupation:Aristocrat

Date of Birth: February 12th, 1952

Place of Birth:United Kingdom

City:Welwyn Garden city

Nationality: British

Office (Tel): +44 (0)1707 368700

(Please do not discuss the details of this arrangement with my staff or servants. Please request to speak to myself, the Lord of Brocket Hall and no-one else.)

I look forward to hearing from you.

Tally ho!

Paul Crimpoline Norris

Lord of Brocket Hall


Date: Thu, 14 Aug 2014 21:22:08 +0100

From: jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.
To: paulnXXXX@outlook.com

Dear Pauldric ,

Thank you very much for your quick respond regarding this transfer project and i thank God for giving me someone like you as a partner to stop the bank from confiscating this fund as unclaimed bill.

First thing tomorrow morning i will go to the bank to register your text application draft for the release and transfer of this fund into your account .

Oh ! You have a wonderful team here , its is good to see .

So we are now one family and i want you to keep this transaction a top secret until we receive this fund in your account in UK and i will come to your country with my family for us to celebrate together as one big family .

So i will call you as soon as i register your text application draft to the bank tomorrow .

Regards and God bless you ,

Barrister Jacob Agbeme .


On Friday, 15 August 2014, 10:42, Paul Norris <paulnXX@outlook.com> wrote:

Dear Jacob,

That all sounds wonderful. Please let me know how you get on at the bank when you go there with my name and address and transfer USD$14million for us. It almost sounds too good to be true! I have decided that, now we have some spare money, I will buy myself a new yacht and a talking meerkat to help me get the best insurance deal.

I look forward to meeting you and your wife. We will introduce you to our British traditions. You must try a full English breakfast, fox hunting, dogging and watching TOWIE.

This may be a slightly sensitive subject but we’re not Christians and do not believe in the concept of a ‘God’ per se. Instead we make offerings to a variety of Pagan gods depending on what beliefs take our fancy that year. I hope this isn’t alarming to you. When you join us at our family celebration and help us build our Wicker man, you will see that it is only ever the very dishonest, liars, thieves and their families that are ever put inside the thing. We haven’t found anyone despicable enough just yet but we find that suitable candidates always turn up on the day. Frightful business really but we try not to think too much about it. There’s always lots of Pimm’s and Beluga caviar so it’s worth turning up just for that!

I look forward to hearing from you. Please let me know if there’s anything else I can do to speed the process along.

Tatty bye for now,

Pauldric.


From: AFRICAN BANK BRANCH WEST AFRICA [mailto:africandevelopmentbanklometb@rocketmail.com]
Sent: 15 August 2014 13:42
To: paulnXXXXX@outlook.com
Subject: AFDA : BANK ACKNOWLEDGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRES : 15/08/14‏

Attn : Mr.Pauldric Crimpoline Norris view attached file and get back to us immediately

African Development Bank – Building today, a better Africa tomorrow

African Development Bank – Building today, a better Afri…

The African Development Bank is a regional multilateral development bank, engaged in promoting the economic development and social progress of its Regional…View on www.afdb.orgPreview by Yahoobankdoc

From: Paul Norris [mailto:paulnXXXX@outlook.com]
Sent: 15 August 2014 14:14
To: AFRICAN BANK BRANCH WEST AFRICA
Subject: RE: AFDA : BANK ACKNOWLEDGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRES : 15/08/14‏

Dear Mr. Ken Ajovi,

Please find the following information in response to your questionnaires.

Questionnaire A:
1: Frank Nero Norris
2:British
3:Tailor
4:Unknown
5:Unknown
6:USD$14m
7:No
8:He lived in a giant shoe in the UK. He then moved to West Africa.
9:Pagan
10:No
Questionnaire B:
1:Unknown
No questions 2 through 5?
6:Unknown
7:Unknown
8:Unknown

As you know, one of the advantages of being a Lord, here in the UK, is that I am not bound by the usual restrictions of the general public. Please refer to the T.I.T.S.L.A.P. Agreement (The International Top Secret Listing of Approved Persons).

I am happy to pay the fee of US$3,860.00. It will be much easier if my associate Barr. Jacob Agbeme covers this cost for now. He is currently dealing with my West African interests. I will be reimbursing him on his upcoming trip to the UK.

I have given Barr. Jacob Agbeme full authorisation to oversee the best interests of the Brocket Hall Estate and its associated wealth. The Crimpoline-Norris consider Jacob part of our family, we would expect you to treat him accordingly, affording him access to any sensitive information on my behalf.

I trust our sizable donations to Donald Kaberuka and the African Development Bank will see this matter dealt with swiftly and without unnecessary paperwork.

Kind regards,
Pauldric Crimpoline Norris – Lord of Brocket Hall.


From: Jacob Agbeme [mailto:jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk] 

Sent: 15 August 2014 15:21
To: paulnXXXX@outlook.com
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.

Mr. Paul ,

I’m just coming back from the bank now , I registered your text application draft and the bank said that will contact you immediately after their bank board management meeting over this claim .

So i will be waiting to hear from you as soon as the bank contact you .

Regards,

Yours brother ,

Barr Jacob Agbeme ,Esq .


From: Paul Norris [mailto:paulnXXXX@outlook.com]
Sent: 15 August 2014 15:53
To: Jacob Agbeme
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.

Mr. Jacob,

I have returned from my morning polo which, as always, was a hoot! On the way home, we stopped the Range Rover and asked an oik to clean my grubby elbows. He looked confused and offended so Charlie clouted him in the chops with a mallet! He’s in the boot now making an almighty racket.

Anyway, good news! The bank have already contacted me. I have sent them the details. They just require a meagre fee for admin. A few thousand, I think. I trust you can see your way clear to picking up the tab this time. I’ll reimburse you when you visit.

Right, I’m off to ‘take care of business’ then have the back of the Range jet washed and valeted… Those rozzers only need a hair or spec of claret and they need paying off all over again.

Cheerio,

Your twin brother from another mother (and soon to be lover),

Pauldric. x


On 15 Aug 2014, at 15:41, “AFRICAN BANK BRANCH WEST AFRICA” <africandevelopmentbanklometb@rocketmail.com> wrote:

then we will be waiting for your associate Barrister


From: Paul Norris [mailto:paulnXXXXX@outlook.com]
Sent: 15 August 2014 15:55
To: AFRICAN BANK BRANCH WEST AFRICA
Subject: Re: AFDA : BANK ACKNOWLEDGEMENT QUESTIONNAIRES : 15/08/14‏

I expect he will be with you very soon. Do NOT share this fund amongst your managers in the mean time. I know you bankers, fucking lizard people. Psssffsssssffss

You get me?

Pauldric.


Date: Sat, 16 Aug 2014 21:57:19 +0100
From: jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.
To: paulnXXXX@outlook.com

Please i don’t have that amount to pay, i have only $2,500


On Sunday, 17 August 2014, 11:17, Paul Norris <paulnXXXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

Dear Jacob,

I’m very sorry. I didn’t realise you needed money. It’s not something I’ve ever had to worry about. Let me know if you would like me to send some over for you.

Is there any further news from bank?

Booyakasha,

Pauldric.


Date: Sun, 17 Aug 2014 15:48:53 +0100
From: jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.
To: paulnXXX@outlook.com

Yes , i need some money so that i can pay the $3,860 requested by the bank .

I will find out if there is any other news when i go to the bank .

Please we have to comply with the bank as soon as possible .


On Sunday, 17 August 2014, 16:52, Paul Norris <paulnXXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

Dearest Jacob,

I understand. Many of my friends are familiar with the inner working of a bank. Jimmy ‘Bank Job’ Jenkins has studied the procedures of the banks down to the finest detail. He assures me that, in these sort of inheritance cases, the bank should simply take their admin fees from the funds as they are transferred. It would be silly to take money, put it in the bank and then give us $14million.

I am slightly concerned that the bank are not being altogether honest with you. Do you trust your contact at the bank? I did think it was odd that a bank used a free ‘rocketmail’ email account.

OH MY GOD! I THINK THEY’RE TRYING TO SCAM YOU!

There’s nothing more disgusting than someone that tries to con money from honest people. If I were you, I would be absolutely livid! People that attempt to take other people’s money through confidence tricks are the lowest of the low. Usually, people that fall for it are vulnerable, old or confused. To prey on them is unforgivable. Many lives are ruined by these people. Retirements destroyed. Life savings stolen in a matter of minutes.

If that is what the people at the bank are trying to do to you, you should go there and beat them to within an inch of their life.

You know how, when you’re making a cheesecake, you put the digestives in a tea towel and hit them with a rolling pin until they are crumbled into dust? That’s what you should do to their legs!

Sorry, I got a bit carried away there. It’s just that I really hate scammers.

Anyway, I’m sure it was just and honest mistake. Please go to the bank and explain that it simply makes no sense to charge up front to withdraw money. They can take it from the money already in their bank!

In the mean-time if you and your family do not have enough money, let me know and I’ll send you some. We only really use cash as we don’t trust banks. I’ll go to the post office and exchange it for your local currency and send it over. Would $5000 suffice until you come to the UK? Obviously, when we have the $14m, you can pay me back!

Take care and make sure you don’t fall for any scams,

Pauldric.


On Sunday, 17 August 2014, 22:00, Jacob Agbeme <jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:

Please send money to me to pay the bank fees because the bank already told that they can not take any money from the fund because the account was still dormant ,please try and support to make claim of this fund.


Date: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 09:53:29 +0100
From: jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.
To: paulnXXXXX@hotmail.com

I’m waiting to hear from you so that i can to the bank this morning.


On Monday, 18 August 2014, 9:12, Paul Norris <paulnXXXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

No problem. How should I pay the money?


On 18 Aug 2014, at 12:44, “Jacob Agbeme” <jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk> wrote:

You should pay the money to the bank Mr.John Kelechi Chukwu via money gram or western union

 

Country is Togo

City is Lome

I’m waiting to hear from you as you pay the money so that i can go to the bank .


On Monday, 18 August 2014, 12:08, Paul Norris <paulnXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

Okay. I will do that now.


Date: Mon, 18 Aug 2014 13:31:12 +0100
From: jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.
To: paulnXXX@outlook.com

Okay . I ‘m waiting for you


On Monday, 18 August 2014, 16:33, Paul Norris <paulnXXXX@outlook.com> wrote:

I can’t get this to work. I need a full name, an account number and a sort code to be able to transfer the money. I’ve telephoned that bank and they won’t let me transfer to your country without security checks. I don’t want to tell the bank about the $14m yet.


From: Jacob Agbeme [mailto:jacob2003agbeme@yahoo.co.uk]
Sent: 19 August 2014 10:45
To: paulnXXXXX@hotmail.com
Subject: Re: The late Mr. F. N. Norris.

Okay here is the account information below :

ACCOUNT NUMBER : 7190111410797201
ACCOUNT NAME : OKPNA KELVIN EMOLE
SWIFT CODE : ECOCTGTG
CODE BANQUE: TG055
BANK NAME: ECO BANK LOME-TOGO.


“Thank you, Mr. Agbeme, for your bank details.”
/
george

“Why are you crying? It’s only a video game.”

Okay, so this stems from a post one of my friends made on Facebook.

Now, first off, and this is hugely important, Hayley is an inspirational parent. She’s one of the best and her three amazing children are testament to that fact. The reason I felt compelled to reply was that, as I’m an obsessive gamer, I understand the importance of virtual stuff. I’ve piled up quite a lot of it and many of my friends have too. It’s easy to forget that my group of 30 (and 40) something gamer friends, who are also all parents, may not be the norm. Except with Flecher, he’s quite patently abnormal… and Gary, I mean, look at his head! Ugh… anyway, that doesn’t help make my point.

Your kids’ Minecraft items and creations DO exist. I can prove it. Your favourite song exists, right? Where is it now, exactly? It’s stored on physical media. It represents an artist’s creativity. The value of your CD collection would change dramatically if someone came along and blanked all the disks. But hey, what’s the problem? Your real-world stuff is still there. Stop your whining!

“I lost all my Paul McCartney but also some good music too”
\

man-crying1

Thing is, the value of virtual belongings can actually be higher than real world things. Especially in the case of children, where real world toys are bought for them but in Minecraft, they have invested time, care and effort into obtaining their stash and even more time building their constructions. I believe Minecraft is the Lego of their generation. It’s like unlimited Lego. Connected to the whole world via the internet.

minecraft-best-house-4

Any model made in Minecraft represents an investment of time. The bigger and more intricate, the more it is worth. It’s not easy, either. The limitations of resolution means that you either need an obscene amount of blocks or a very carefully thought out design in order to get it to look halfway decent.

Depending on how you play, those blocks themselves didn’t come for free either. Each block you place has to first be gathered. You start out with your bare hands. You literally have to punch a tree until it breaks and you can gather the wood.

From this wood, you can cobble together a makeshift wooden spade. You can then start to dig into the earth until you find some rock. It’s going to take a lot of twatting to break a rock with a wooden spade but what else are you going to do? Your flimsy wooden tool is going to break after a few hits. You can keep trying to mine solid rock with your hands but you’re probably best off climbing back out and getting all Van Damme on the trees again.

“Daddy needs a new shovel!”
\

thai_vandamme

Eventually you’ll resurface with a handful of rock. You can use this to make a shonky stone pickaxe. Then you can start mining the rock for some ore. After a load of mining, building a furnace and smelting, you’ll have a chunk of iron. Now you can build a half decent pickaxe.

The Minecraft Wiki tells me that 0.09% of rock contains a bit of diamond. If you gather up enough diamonds, you can make tools from it. These tools last for ages! Although it’s taken hours and you had to punch trees with your bare hands, you now have your very own diamond pickaxe!

In a world where all sort of nasty things come out at night and it’s not safe to be out in the open, you now stand a fighting chance of building a decent shelter, surviving another day, gathering more supplies and securing continued prosperity. Maybe you’ll even….

NOOOOOO!!!!

Your brother comes along, stabs you with a wooden sword.

You watch helplessly as your prone body spews all your belongings onto the floor. Your assassin gleefully hoovers up the items you have worked so hard for.

Now, the challenge is explaining to your parents why you’re so upset.

“HE TOOK MY DIAMOND PICKAXE!!”

“Your what?”

piq_122145_400x400

“oh.”

This doesn’t even scratch the surface of Minecraft. There’s a huge amount of depth to it. Have a look at the Minecraft Wiki. It’s insane! Each creature drops a different material which is neccessary to craft new items. There are entire systems of circuitry, machinery, sounds, water, fire and many many more to master. Where the game appears simple, its blocky awkwardness actually makes constructing complicated machines a real challenge. Overcoming the limitations of the game is where the real appeal lies.

“Do or do not. There is no try.”
\

Yoda_2013

I often thank Lego for teaching me a lot of useful things about working with limitations, improvisation and creative thinking. Minecraft is this and then some. It includes co-operation, trust, team work and respect.

Obviously, you’re going to want your kids to leave the house and work out what trees and stuff really look like. Doing anything too much is bad news and I don’t want my kids sat in front of the telly all day. All I’m saying is that we should respect their digital possessions and creations in the same way we would physical ones. The line between the two is becoming increasingly hard to distinguish.

Paul is a father of two, Seth (8) and Flynn (4), an avid gamer and the Creative Director of Mad Fellows games studio.

Blog therapy.

I done a blog.

The reason is this: I’ve found myself waffling on in emails. I seem to get on a thread and get carried away. Sometimes, particularly when I’m tired, I tend to start injecting whimsical attempts at comedy in places where it probably shouldn’t ought to be. Sometimes it’s quite bizarre. More often than not, I look at that email the next day and wonder what the hell I was thinking.

I’m hoping that by having a blog, I’ll have somewhere to write this stuff down where it won’t get me in too much trouble.

I don’t expect anyone will read it but it’s more about the therapy of writing it than anything else.

Disclaimer – I may swear, rant, make snap judgements and get stuff wrong. I’ll miss the mark with some of my humour and there will be typos.

Take care,

Paul.

Image